This journal is about the life of Katalin Koda, founder of the rubybleu foundation. It includes new information regarding the foundation and the work she is doing in South India.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I have no idea what to title this blog as so much has happened (or not happened) or shifted or changed or fallen apart or rearranged since the last time I wrote, its hard to know where to begin telling the latest stories of Katalin: Artist, Earthkeeper, DreamTime Sister, Gypsy Mama. I am filled with the whirl and wonder and wisdoms of so much, and feel simultaneously light and open and fiery and chaotic, as if two sticks are rubbing in my heart, causing sparks to fly, newness is growing and I’m almost trembling, wondering what will happen as the golden sheen breaks out across the diamond skies. So, I call this one Untitled, appropriately, and leave it all open, nameless, undone so to speak.

Right now, this Wednesday afternoon, I’m sitting in my sister’s lovely new apartment in Bangkok, Thailand, the late afternoon sun starting to glow in the newly bought palms inspired to finally write another blog entry, after months of retreat away from this online journaling that connects me in with my dear community of family, spirit brothers and sisters, other dancers and weavers, artists and storytellers, vision makers and dreamers.

Two things inspired me to write this: firstly, leaving India this time, taking a short, one week vacation to Bangkok to visit my sister and mom has me feeling all achy and longing. I think I’ve fallen (even more) deeply in love with the Goddess that is India and she’s starting to work around the most ancient parts of my Self or selves, being as multidimensional that I am. Is this even possible? Last time I
returned, my last blog entry, which was an amazing six months ago (can it really have been that long!?!), I felt great Mother India’s gentle loving arms reach up from the earth, through the cracked concrete of New Delhi to embrace me. I felt like I was coming Home. Not just the place I dwell, or the house we’ve made into Rubybleu House and painted turquoise and garnet. Not just the place where my daughter was born, her placenta buried under the palm in Kerala’s iron red soil. Not just the place where I have discovered more about who or what I am than any other place on Earth…in fact I’ve been exploring these questions so much, that I now have even less idea of who or what I am and some notion of walking the path moment to moment. But more on that later.

I was coming Home to where the Earth meets the Sky in the crazy jumble of humanity, where the smells of Life and Death smack you in the face and you can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Where spiritual Masters reside in special, quiet ashrams or communities, or in Himalayan caves and the Goddess is still revered. I have been coming to India for over seven years now and she is so deep in my blood, that for the first time I miss her upon leaving. Instead of the normal relief of escaping the madness, the chaos, the filth and the poverty for a while…somehow it doesn’t matter anymore and I know it’s not India that has changed.

The second thing that inspired me is my sister and her ‘fiancé’s’ decision to not
have a wedding. The gathering of family that transpired last night with the frank discussion of planning a giant U.S. wedding from Bangkok was very beautiful. They decided that since they are already married, to forgo all the intensity of planning this huge event and spending thousands of dollars and simply celebrate their love daily. The look of relief on Carmen and Esan’s faces was priceless. I swear Esan became a year younger. This photo is of them enraptured by their decision to spend all the time and love on creating wondrous lives for themselves instead of one special day. I realize what a non-conformist, cultural rule breaker I am when I noticed how joyous I felt over their conscious decision to not get sucked into the fairytale wedding nonsense that seems to have overtaken America.

And I ask myself, so who has changed? What has changed? From the outside looking in, it’s clear that there are big shifts happening. Our dear Rubybleu House is being reclaimed by the owners and we will have to relocate next year. Where and in what way that will happen remains to be seen. We will certainly move to a house somewhere on Varkala cliff, maybe set back a little. But do I dare to say ‘certain’ when almost every person I know who’s made big life plans this year are all coming tumbling down? It seems the Goddess is having a great laugh this month, watching as dear friends are parting ways after years of relationships, businesses failing or changing form, weddings coming undone, and expectations are falling to pieces. It’s exciting!

I am almost done with my rewrite of the Reiki Warrior book, now titled The Sacred Art of Reiki: Healing as a Spiritual Discipline. Llewellyn Books plans to have it out December of this year, 2008, so you can really look for my book in your local bookstore! This is a huge step for me, a
contract as a soon-to-be published author and I plan to continue writing and writing and writing. I went off to Karuna Farm (check out http://www.karunafarm.in/) to work on the rewrite and reveled in fresh clear air, the misty mountains, time spent alone. Time to write and contemplate and do my practice is so nourishing that I smile just thinking about it. I went through a few months, after meeting Karmapa, and coming back to Varkala descending into caterpillar stage, curled up and quiet, even amidst the sparkling madness of Season Time. I came back from Karuna revitalized and joyous, so much so that since then I’ve been dancing, making fires on the moonlit beach, playing guitar furiously, writing poems, learning Neil Young songs (yes I’m finally branching out from Dylan).

I’ve also been connecting in with the sisters of Varkala and relating our stories of mayhem breaking loose in plans and relationships. Five of us, all struggling with our men, got together for Valentine’s Day and made collage, reclaiming a bit of continuity, in spiraling womyn style. Trying to gain clarity and open our heart’s to the growth and intensity that happens as we change as humans traversing the Earth journey.

Rubybleu Foundation has received an influx of support and we wish to thank you deeply for that. We will continue our scholarship program as the best and most sustainable work we can do with the funds we have. Some Varkala dwellers from England volunteered this year as well. Clare and Sabrina worked with training the women in making bracelets and Lucy began showing them basic computer skills. Our treasurer, Jasmine Tabisaura, is planning to come for a visit in May. Look for the upcoming information at http://www.rubybleu.org/

Yoko is growing fast, dancing more, singing songs and riding the waves in, letting herself tumble and splash about, kicking her legs furiously. Ocean child…ocean child… She is getting browner in the sun and she has tiger eyes that give a hint of Mogly from the Jungle Book. Her Malayalam is improving by attending a local school and speaking with the children. She is going with her dear friend Luis and enjoying making art, playing on the swings and the challenge of group social dynamics.

I breathe in the sultry night of purply, wild Bangkok air and wonder about the future, but try not to think in terms of plans. The Goddess is teaching me well and I dance the moment, buy fire poi and sticks, striped socks and sparkling cloth for circus March in Varkala: come and sit with us by the fire on the moonlit beach, ocean crashing, while the drum of Mother Earth's heart beats on and fires sing through the night, just celebrating the turning of this precious earth and mysterious wondrous Life.

Now that my sister has canceled the summer wedding, the days are open again and who knows what adventures lay await for us! All I know is that change awaits, hovering, every moment, every sparkling second...this ever unfolding Journey.

Take care all of you and remember ………. All you need is LOVE, LOVE, LOVE…


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